Today I feel like I suck… I have been having more days of this feeling then I’d like to admit…
I start with great intentions, and then I let the littlest, insignificant crap tear me down.
Today is a SUPREME example.
My MIL and I went strawberry picking a while back, and we had an amazing time. We made a day of it and made homemade Jam, as well as other lovely things. So, this morning we took Joe and the boys along made a morning of showing the kids how to pick. Despite Max being sick and needing some extra TLC…It was great…It was last minute and so fun.
We came home, made the Jam, and found out we had the afternoon free (other then Hockey, which we skipped. ). Joe’s sister called to see if we’d planned to swim, and we thought it would be fun to do so.
Then the pool pump broke.
It’s 11 yrs old, so it wasn’t a surprise, but there are things. Things I can’t say here, that I need to scream about. This just added to those things. It also will cost money. Money I wanted to spend elsewhere, like a selfish trip to AZ, or Disney with the family, or on things that we really do need… like the ones I can’t state above.
Next when talking to someone, I mentioned that I’d rather be alone in a room with Vomit then see my brothers again. The moment it left my lips, I regretted it. The rift with my brothers is large. It hurts my father, and I can only imagine how I would feel if the boys felt like this. Joe will tell you I have very good reasons, and that he too would rather do anything then be near them. But it’s sad, and I regret that I can’t find a better way to state this. My boys were around, but not in earshot, but I never stopped to even consider them hearing it. I wish my siblings and I could get along. I know that even if I swallowed my hurt, and lied to tell them they were right, what they did to us was right and ok, it wouldn’t even change it.
That made the day better….NOT
Then, when checking my facebook page, I sent out a note reminding my friends to RSVP to a 31 party I was having. Let me say that when I have parties like this, the last thing I’m hoping for is for people to come spend money, I just want to have time with them, and if they like something, bonus, but if not, I like laughing and making memories. That said, I haven’t had a single thing at the house with my girlfriends, so this was exciting….
Here’s where I suck again…
I got to looking at the list and wondering why Bitty hadn’t responded (sorry for calling you out Bitty) and then I looked again, and poof, she wasn’t invited. WTF. Neither was Liz, yet our mutual friend Wendy was. I know now that I did the invite on my lunch hour, on my cell phone, and that I thought I’d clicked everyone’s names, but I didn’t.
I’m such an asshole.
To my friends that I missed, I’m sorry.
I’m sucking at things lately, and letting stupid things I can’t control bug me more then they should.
In my mind, I am screaming at myself for the stupidity, screaming at random……….