Hard Decisions: Keeping it real.

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Amy

Step into my brain for a moment:

“I can’t believe I’m acting like this. I mean I have 3 healthy beautiful boys AND I was able to nurse them all for decent periods of time. I’m being ridiculous. Look there! Look at the cover of People magazine this week. Valerie Harper has brain cancer. She will die in like 3 months, and I’m weeping/ugly crying over this… I’m just stupid. I need to just blog, but what will people think? I’m a nut case, I’m an emotional train wreck… both are probably true… at least in this moment or always .”

In walks Joe. He hugs me tightly, & I admit my stupid feelings. He holds me close; longer even, then I thought he would. He tells me how proud he is of me. So proud of what I’ve sacrificed for our kids. He tells me there are new journeys ahead. That he’s here for me, and while he’s never done this, he gets how I’m feeling.

I grab the computer, head to the main floor. Turn on the t.v., and type to you. I need to blog. Because it helps me release it. Because if you think I’m nutty, you can. I don’t care. (yes, I do, but I don’t want to know ) This is my outlet, and I’m using it.

So, here it is.

After a moment out with Max, and him having a meltdown, he asked for “this”, (pointing to my chest). “Feed you.” he said. I looked at Joe, excused myself, and for the first time in months, fed my son in the middle of the day by nursing him. That’s when I decided it was time. Time to let go of this wonderful gift I’d been able to give. Joe and I talked that day. We decided that over the weekend we would quit nursing. Here I sit, after my very last nursing session, ever.

Yes, ever.

That’s the other thing; We have also decided to be done having kiddos. Saying it, even typing it, makes me get a lump in my throat & just become sad. The truth is, if there weren’t such risks for me having babies, we’d be having another. But there are. So.Many.Risks. Then there is the guilt. I have friends desperate to have just one baby, or desperate to give their kid a sibling. How dare I be so sad.. How dare I be ungrateful….

But, I am sad. The only thing I can do is cry, and look for the brighter side.

There are many great things ahead right? Like being diaper free, gate free, childproof free. Not being overwhelmed. Sleeping through the night again. We can take different trips and attending sports for the kids will be easier. Tons of cool things. I’m just bad at letting go, I’m bad at change too.

Thus the goofy tears, irrational thoughts, guilt and lastly this post.

Can you please do me a favor? Not that I expect negativity here, but the sensitivity level in this hizzzouse is at an epic level. So, the favor: if you are planning to comment, keep it positive, or keep it in. Please and Thank you.

Instagram Quick Takes 1

Posted on March 13, 2013 by Amy

{Credit}

I’ve been grumpy and low lately. I feel like everything I wanted to say has been not of the upbeat, but more of the venting, so instead of boring you with my life stress, I’ve been silent. This is hard for me. I am the type to share. Jenny shared this post in which she talks about dreading her birthday a bit. I agree so much. I have been the type to dread it lately too. Not getting older, just that past birthdays have been hard. This year was a welcome change. Fun and simple. However, instead of dwelling on what’s been wrong, I felt like sharing some of the good.

Just after my birthday, we were granted a date night. We had a free sitter and (gasp) free kick a$$ MN Gopher hockey tickets. The tickets are my Dad’s and he shared two with us, and bought us dinner. #Lucky. Here he is with me below.

Also, I adore this photo of Joe. Love him so much. Pretty blue eyes.

Speaking of Hockey (and the Gophers) Jack has been obsessed with both lately. Also, he’s been obsessed with playing goalie. Here’s the thing, he may change this obsession 10 minutes from now, and many MANY people think we are nutty for even having him play, but you know what…. the kid loves it. He’s 6, he loves to play, and that’s all we need.

Cutest darn goalie ever!!!

Even home made goalie gear was in order. Use what you have right?

Then of course, if you follow me on instagram… every day I post a photo of someone you know what I’m obsessed with…. well besides my kids and hubby…

She’s the other baby in the house. Simply put, she’s adored.

Daddy loves her also.. She cuddles him whenever he lets her. Plus, she’s always under our feet. She loves to be near us, and we echo that feeling.

Snow has been big here lately. Snowy March. Snowy 2nd half of winter. We have taken full advantage of it. We even made a fort/tunnel in the snow banks. So fun. Look at my handsome 1st born….

Daddy & our neighbor Chad getting some snowball throwing action.

Even Mr. Max begs to go out and walk…. blue eyes, chilled cheeks… and a nuk. Gets me every time.

Here’s a good place to stop. With this little sweet face. I’m so thankful that we made the choice and that we’re able for me to be part time, for us to invest in our kids interests like we have, and for the love we share. I’m also thankful for instagram. I take more photos, and capture more moments because of this app.

**This was not a sponsored post. I have no rights to instagram. I just love the app.

Proud Momma

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Amy

We had winter conferences last night.

Joe asked Jack before he left “We will see your teacher tonight, is there anything you’d like to tell me before we talk to her?”

Jack had come home a week or so earlier with band aids on his arms. When asked about it, Jack was less then forthcoming and there was a lot of “I don’t know what happened.”

Fast forward to last night. Jack tells Joe that his arm issue was really a girl and he in line for a drink. She grabs his arm, and he grabs her back, and she scratches him. Joe is then told to “not tell mom, until you get to the car.”

I laughed at this. I think it’s funny. We went to conferences, with 2 questions. How’s he doing, in reading and math? How has his behavior?

He does well on both accounts.

This moment in time Jack, this is what I want to remember that your teacher said. She said that you were “bright, well behaved, and funny” She said that “You should see him on the playground. There are days when he rounds up all the boys and gets them to do whatever he wants. He’s a leader, and he’s going to be my boss one day.”

This brings me to one more story. You love hockey Jack. One day you asked me how to become a MN Gopher (our college hockey team) I said that there were 2 things you needed to be a gopher. You needed to be really good at school and really good at hockey. You can’t have just one. You have to have both.

So, last night, when we told you how proud we were of you and how well you did at school, you replied.. “Yep, working on being a gopher.”

We love you, congrats on a great conference buddy.

Wordless Wednesday: Old School

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Amy

I think we kinda look alike.

AmyJack01

Amy age 7, Jack age 6

Yes, These are all me. Including the crap attempt at 80/’s 90′s bangs.

You’re welcome.

A dream is a wish your heart makes part 1.

Posted on February 13, 2013 by Amy

Just after Thanksgiving, we made a dream of ours come true. After a long time planning & some help from Poppa, we woke the boys one early Thursday morning to let them know we were leaving on a plane to Disney World.

There’s a video of it, but to be honest, it’s one of those things where you think it’s going to be this epic response , and it’s more luke warm… How fitting that I say luke warm? Because Jack’s reaction was excitement and stunned disbelief, Luke’s response (and I quote) “I know, I want some pretzels.”

Here are the excited kiddos waiting to board the plane .

Here are my loves on the plane.

Now, for the record, I will post some of the things we packed and what I thought was most helpful, but for now, I’m just going to share what we did, and photos.
After getting off the plane, we hopped onto the “Magical Express” to take us to our resort. We had decided to stay at Disney’s brand new hotel called Art of Animation. We had planned to choose a normal room, but as a gift to us, my dad paid the difference, and we ended up getting a suite.

THIS WAS AWESOME.

Photo Credit

The suite had 1 bedroom, 2 bathrooms (one with a kick butt shower, and the other a tub for the kiddos). It also had a great kitchenette, murphy bed, and pull out couch. The murphy bed was our kitchen table by day, and bed at night. LOVE!

Anywho, we arrived, and guess who was there to greet us?

Poppa & Nana G.!!!!! The kiddos were thrilled.

The men went to one of the 3 (maybe there was four, I forget) pools, and the women went to the grocery store to get breakfast and lunch packing stuff for the trip. For $100.00 I fed my family, and my dad & Carla (aka Nana G.) breakfast and lunch all days but 1. So Awesome.

Speaking of the pools and the resort, there was the cozy cone pool, which you can view below, and then the main massive pool that was Little Mermaid themed which you can view here from a mom that previewed it. It had zero depth entry, staff on hand to play games with the kiddos, and, wait for it…. it played music under water. SO COOL.

Photo Credit

Just hanging out with McQueen.

That day we went to dinner at our favorite spot, Beaches and Cream. We LOVE this place. It’s located within one of the Disney resorts. They have an old fashoined theme, and yummy desserts.

The next morning we hopped a bus to Animal Kingdom.

Riding the bus to the park

We really liked this park.

Each park had a large Christmas Tree.

The only mistake we made was taking the kids on the Dinosaur ride. It scared them half to death. boo.Here was one of our favorites. A trail to explore and the safari ride.

Below we were watching Tukey’s favorite FISH!. However, it took us several minutes to realize that it was a real hippo behind him.

Hi Hippo.

Here are a few shots from the safari ride.

To be honest I have about 50 photos from this (taken with my bad camera). This ride was like seeing 3 different major Zoo’s in one 15 minute ride. This Giraffe was walking behind us, just tagging along. I could have reached out and touched it at one point.

Plus we found some furry friends. However, Mr. Luke wasn’t into seeing them in person.

Jack rode Expedition Everest, and had a fun time. Then we headed to Dino Land. We rode the big Dinosaur ride. Except that they hated it. They phisically shook, cried, and were fairly traumatized for the rest of the trip when it came to rides that even remotely resembled something scary.

To keep costs down, we ate lunch out of a Thirty One cooler that we packed each morning. My dad said on several occasions, how nice it was to be able to have something that tasted like home. Plus is saved us a minimum of $100 a day (or more) in snacks and food we would have bought.

This is my favorite shot of the day. They were best buddies, bonding and making memories.

We then went to our resort to nap, swim, and headed to Epcot that evening. To be honest, Epcot wasn’t our thing. Our kids were too young, and tired. So, we only visited Mexico in Epcot. Jack got to practice his spanish ad try on great hats.

Meanwhile back at home. Max was chilling at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We missed him, but he was having a wonderful time.

That’s all for day one. **Sidebar: I’ve had this post in draft mode for almost a month. So bare with me in getting the next one started, let alone posted.

A moment in time: Max

Posted on February 9, 2013 by Amy

We are sitting here. Here in your room. In your chair we snuggle close in the darkness. The local christian station plays music, the fan whirls slowly. The cool mist humidifier is purring along. I smell your hair, fresh from a bath, fresh from baby oil. I imagine that this must be what Heaven smells like. Your sweet head looks up at me. In the light coming in from the crack of the door I see your face search out mine. You seem to be asking, “Will you snuggle with me a bit longer please Mommy?” Yes, my heart replies. I haven’t held you to fall asleep in probably 6 mos to a year. It’s not our routine. You are usually tired but awake when you go down. The only time I get a snuggle is when you are sick, or when we nurse in the we morning hours. So, I take this gift of quiet time to hold you. You have had an ear infection for 19 day. NINETEEN. Ugh. We took you in on day 3, got meds that didn’t work by day 13, got more meds that you are allergic to, got more meds that you were under dosed for, and now, with prayers in my heart, I’m hoping we are on the med.

Despite your ears, you never cease to shock and amaze me. Today, in less then 30 seconds, you put yourself behind a closed door to your bathroom, climbed into the sink, and proceeded to turn the water on yourself. You pull out drawers, climb in and sit to play or read. You are so smart. I can’t even fathom that I can capture all that you do or say. Here are some examples of your adorable banter:

Me: “Max?”

Max: “What?”

Me: “Come here.”

Max: “I coming.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Me: “I love you!”

Max: “La.U.TOO.Much”

Me: “So Much!”

Max: “La. U Much”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Max: (singing) “ABCDEFG, JKmntpz, u & me”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You can count to 13 with alternating help

You are 18 months old So smart, so loved, so much a part of our family. We can already tell you are ready to take on the world, explore, and leave your mark. We know it will be a wonderful one at that. You are everything, and we love you so much.

Belated Weekend stories….

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Amy

Remember my story about urgent care.

Well, Sunday morning we woke to find Max covered in hives. Large. rise.hives. We called the nurse line, and they said he should be seen. They stated there were 2 clinics that had peds docs, and of course friends, one wasn’t open; the other was 105 minute wait.

lovely.

Joe took the boy. God, love my wonderful hubby.

He was seen, given a new Rx and we were to give him benadryl every 6 hours. We came home, picked up the house, set Max down for a nap, and tried to catch our breath. I too have an Rx now for a sinus infection.

Have you even been feeling so yucky that you want to sleep but your brain won’t shut off? The thing is, the doctor said “he’s been on a lot of antibiotics.” For someone who is prone to worry like me, I am still wondering what that means. Should I stop giving them when my poor baby is so clearly in pain? I have a follow up scheduled with his regular peds doc in 10 days. I’m hoping this will clear up my lingering worries. Plus, I’m wondering if we need tubes. After what I’m seeing my dear friend Kellyn go through, I am not sure I want that either.

Later that afternoon, we got a call from my mom asking if we would venture out for an hour to have dinner with her, and cake to celebrate her birthday. We’d planned to have to take Joe to the airport for a business trip, so I agreed to stop by. I may have cried the whole way home from dropping him off. ahem. Not because I’d miss him terribly, that is a given. But because 2 of the 3 kids are sick, I am sick, and he’s my rock.

Anyway, we dropped him off, headed to Nana’s, and upon arrival, Max has now messed himself. Down the legs and all. Do I have enough wipes? Nooooooo. Do I have extra clothes? Nooooooooo. Does my mom? Noooooo. Can this be happening in the middle of Winter, in a feezing cold day, with an already sick kid. YES.

We get home, and who forgets what the next benedryl dose is? Meeeeeee! Who can’t ask Joe because he’s on a plane? Meeeeee!!!! Who wants to crawl in a hole and cry? ME!

Thank God, Joe’s home, safe and life can go back to normal.

Twitchy blog Love.

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Amy

I should be sleeping. It’s Thursday night, Luke has a fever yet again (remember he had one 2 weeks ago today). Max and Luke have nasty coughs. Joe and I have stuffy noses, and watery eyes. Jack, so far has escaped it all. (knocking on wood, because I’m Italian, and we are HIGHLY superstitious).

I have to get up at 5:40 am, and work 10 hours. I’m supposed to meet old work friends fro a drink. I have already said I’m starting a head cold and may be skipping. Yet, I’m wide awake. Stalking blogs. Yes, Stalking.

I have a blog roll right ova there———————> Yet, daily I haven’t been loving on all of them like I should. So, tonight, amongst the gentle snoring of my sweet hubby, and the chorus of the Newfie on the floor (who’s wet from a bath because she had some stinky lady parts TMI) I’m up. Hopefully not for long.

Who am I stalking…. Well here’s the current list.

Katie: I have a crush on this lady. Her writing makes me giggle, her house is a dream of DIY, her sons are adorable. Her boyfriend isn’t bad either . She writes about life, DIY-ing in her home, and her amazing photography. I check her blog daily, show Joe what I want to do like she does, and get inspired. She’s down to earth and someone I’d like to know in real life.

Jenny: She also makes me laugh. Jen inspires me too. She’s a Mommy to 4 sweet (ah-dorable) kiddos, and an amazing writer. She’s devoted to her hubby, her kids, and being a stay at home Mom. I also have the great pleasure of knowing her in real life, and while we don’t talk as often as we did when we each had 1 kiddo, we pick right up where we left off when we do take time from wiping butts and noses. She’s the reason I started this blog.

Becca: She’s the reason this blog still exists. Becca is my never met best friend. I wish everyone had a Becca in their life. I admire her more then I can explain. She’s smart, funny and humble. She knows everything about anything, and will be there for you when you don’t even know you need it. Her blog is witty and full of great info. She and I each have a Jack, and are mom’s of boys. We relate SO MUCH. She also has awesome Give-Aways.

Liz: Liz also has boys, and her blog is devoted to them and her life with her husband. She’s kind, funny (hilarious when you get to know her), and keeps life in such great perspective. I have the pleasure of knowing her in real life also. When we get together, we laugh, we share, and I walk away feeling like I have someone who gets it. Gets me, gets what life is like in this moment. She’s simply wonderful.

Denise: You ever want a story about killing a squirrel and eating it, catching an opossum on your front lawn, or anything that would do with 4 boys, farm life, and an uncanny sense of humor, Denise is your girl. She’s genuine, humble, loves her boys, and the Lord. She makes me laugh out loud and while we haven’t met, I also adore her.

Jen: I know I already talked about one Jen, but if you grew up in the midwest in the 80′s chances are you knew more then one Jen or Sara(h). Jen and I met YEARS ago and worked for the same company. She also has boys (see a theme here). I used to walk by her desk, admire how organized and put together she was and sometimes drool. 2 years ago I stumbled upon her blog, and its a daily visit for me. She’s given me SO many ideas, and keeps me drooling over her house, her skillz and life. I’m so thrilled at the success she’s having and can’t wait to see what’s ahead for her. Blessed to also know her in real life.

Sherry & John: One day while looking at Jen’s blog, I looked over at her blog roll. That’s how I found John & Sherry (as well as Katie). They made me love bright colors and patterns again. You see I had a thing for red/burgundy & taupe, now I find myself admiring Orange, Yellow, and Blue way more. They do DIY and make a living blogging about it. For good reason too, they make it look easy, are super helpful and humble too. They are a daily click. I was sick when they came into town for their book tour and I’m so bummed I missed it.

I’m getting tired now, but there are more on that sidebar that I’d like to tell you about soon. For now, click on over and check out my favorites above. I may have just lost you to them, but that’s ok. They are worth it.

****Update, I’m such a dumb a$$. Went to bed, was up an hour later, and the rest of the night. Fever, chills, stuffy nose. Horrible.

A story about urgent care.

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Amy

So,

For the last 2 weeks, we have all been taking turns being sick. Not all, Jack has been spared. (fingers crossed). Friday I missed work because I was up all night, sick with Flu like symptoms, fever and misery. Luke woke with a fever, same as the day before. Joe said he would take Luke in, and we had him tested for strep. Negative.. ugh. Just a virus, ugh.

Did I mention that we have had to change health insurance twice in a months time, and how much FUN that is? NOT.

Back to Saturday. Joe says he’s still not better, and Max, who just finished his ear infection meds, is still up a lot at night, nasty cough, and not seeming better. We all go to urgent care. One big germy family. Joe gets a script for sinus infection, then it’s Max’s turn. Max is not having it. He’s anti-doctor, like we would all feel about having to have a tooth pulled sans anesthetic.

Here’s the best part. The poor urgent care doctor is trying to see in his ears; & between screaming & tears he’s yelling “UNCLE!!!!! UNCLE!!!!”

Why friends? Because lately, since we are all going stir crazy with all the time spent home, trying to get better, trying to avoid picking up influenza and other lovely things. We have been playing tickle. Like pin the kiddos down, and tickle them till they yell “Uncle”. Then we release them, and it starts over.

Thus, Mr. Max was calling for Uncle. Time to stop the madness, and leave him be. :). Sadly, he still has an ear infection… 2nd Rx started, prayers that it works are appreciated.

The Kid’s Bathroom Reno… Final post :)

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Amy

Yes, you read that right… FINALLY. I won’t drag it out into another post. Promise.

Ok, so when we left off, we were here.

Sunday, Joe woke and felt crummy. I had a commitment at church that I couldn’t cancel, and a girls lunch that I did. Joe rested, and later was feeling kinda better. We were both at the point of lets just finish.

I went shopping and looked for things to help make it accessorized. We also had the kiddos hop in the bathtub so I had a nice photo opportunity.

Here is what I found.

A cute crate that I’m still trying to decide if I should paint white, but haven’t. I’m waiting to see how I like it. This will make great storage, and at $7.99 it’s cheaper then many “over the toilet” cabinets that I see.

I also found a frame that was 11×14 but matted to 8×10. Before I paid the $12.50 for it, I tried in vain to utilize frames we already had on hand. I ended up using one, but the other would have had to be re-matted and custom. Which would have been double the price of buying a new one.

Here is a shot of the frame I re-used. In it, I put little reminders for the boys. I used power point, clip art, and apple casual font. Joe helped get it colored and centered the way I wanted it. Our printer STINKS. So, I hope to find another printer and re-print the orange one. The stripes in it are un-intentional.

I also loved the “wash” one, because it’s got 3 little hands for our 3 boys

Here is another view of the wash/brush frame.

Here is an example of Joe and my laziness at it’s best.

We didn’t want to run downstairs to get tape, so we used marking strips. :) This frame will hold the photo I captured of the kids that very day in the tub. More on that in a moment.

We also looked for letters to represent each child, and true form for me, I couldn’t decide, so here is a photo I sent to Joe to ask his opinion of which style of letter he liked.

He stated his opinion, which matched mine, and home I went. We painted the letters white in preparation for the space. Here is how they turned out. Below them are command hooks (in case I change my mind… which I’ve been known to do) and a towel in colors matching their shower curtain.

Here is the shot of the kids. I love it, but must confess that I have another one ordered and ready to get. It’s the same photo, without the black around the edges. We shall see which I like better.

So, take the personal photo, the home made artwork in re-used frame, and add this…remember the crate I found?

Love, Love LOVE. I filled it with things we use. Cute and practical. I can’t tell you how many times I needed a wash cloth. So, there are 3 in fun colors. Since I’m the one who uses the MOST toilet paper in the house, I need an extra always handy. I swear since I’ve had Max, I blow my nose every hour. Then, I wanted a cute jar for q-tips (another must have that’s handy) and so I thought… why not a mason jar I already have on hand. Have I said how much I love this? My only question mark… do I paint the create or keep is au natural? I can’t decide… The toddler wipes aren’t my thing, but it’s a kids bath so they stay

Here’s a far away shot.

Here’s a shot from further back.

Remember the Before:

Now the after.

I will just say that I know I haven’t put all the posts together or up about the basement, but I was lucky enough to make these spaces really reflect me, us, our taste and style (if we even have that) and I find myself wanting to be in these spaces all the time. Making excused to be there.

Now, one more thing.

This bathroom was done on a budget. If I had more money, I would have done the following:

updated the sink top.
changed the vanity mirror
possibly picked a different light. I like what we have, but there were others I adored too, that were of course lots more money.
I also would have added a light (or heat light) in the shower.

We still plan to paint the ceiling, make the fan cover white, and possibly add crown molding. We plan to do the above when the money is flowing more fluidly. Finally, maybe for father’s day, I would like to instal a rain water shower head for Joe. We put one in the basement bathroom, and I swear Joe makes excuses to take extra showers. Luke has tried it too, and is now addicted as well.

I think it’s important to state what you love and want to change. This was things can keep evolving.

So, would you paint the crate? Any suggestions?