I look at motherhood like a club.
A club that you can only truly understand once you become a mother.
There’s the c-section branch.
The “I didn’t use any drugs, and delivered naturally branch.”
The only breast feeding.
The ones who work.
The ones who don’t.
The part timers.
The single moms.
The ones with a family bed.
The Moms of “1 is plenty.”
Or, “2 is good, more then that, and you’re nuts.”
Or the mom’s of 3 or more.
The mom’s of kids with special needs.
Hell, even the Duggars have their own branch.
Then there’s some of the branches that are less discussed.
The Miscarriage branch.
The loss of a child branch.
The “I can’t even get pregnant, or can’t get pregnant again” branch.
These branches are kind of like being in a mini version of the club itself. You cannot truly know the feelings of those in the branch, until you have been there yourself.
Most Of us fall under multiple branches. And, like moms everywhere, we struggle to figure out which “hat” to wear on a daily basis, how to wear each hat to perfection, or even how to wear multiple hats at once.
I have 2 friends that come to mind in this post. They, ironically, share the same first name, but beyond that, are very different. I won’t share their names, because I haven’t asked their permission, and if I gain it, I will update it. I will just use their first initial. T
T1 is someone I’ve known since my high school days.
She’s a fashionista, in heels more then anything, and rarely ever do I see her not looking totally fab. She’s smart, outspoken, fiercely protective of her family, & loyal to the core .
Her #1 job is Mom. She’s much more laid back & relaxed then I am. She seems to be a mom with ease, and her child adores her.
The thing though, that I truly admire about this friend, is her ability to be happy despite all that she’s been through. You see, she’s had more miscarriages then I can count, her hubby has an insane schedule, and in just a year she’s dealt with everything from loss of a family member, a dog with cancer, and even now she’s going through crazy stuff to give an incredibly selfless ultimate gift to another.
She treats this like, it’s part of life,everyday living. Maybe for some it is. I have had to tell her 4 times that I am pregnant over the years, (we weren’t as close when Jack was in utero). Each time, knowing that she’s struggled, I have feared it hindering our friendship in some way. Yet, each time, her grace amazes me. She cheers me on. Hears me moan & groan, and is still my same friend. I don’t know that I would have such grace.
She and I can go weeks without talking, and once together again, we are just like old times. She is my very dear friend, and I wish most for her to be able to have another baby. Because I cannot think of another more deserving. She’s one of those moms in the club that I admire. (There are so many that I admire, and aspire to be more like)
The other T, T2, has 3 children. She lives in a town home that really only has 2 bedrooms. It’s not very spacious, but she makes it work. She’s married to a lovely man who’s been without a full time job for a very long time. Her hopes and dreams at this point in her life, with her masters degree and all, were to be a full time Mom as well. Yet, she works, full time. We had a recent conversation, sharing our hearts about our kids, our struggles, our worries for the right school to send them too etc… (we too can go weeks without a chat, and it’s like we never did). She confided in me that while she knows this part of her life is a struggle, she is blessed to have a healthy family and a roof over their head. This wonderful mother struggles every single day. To put food on her table, to make sure her kiddos are taken care of, and more then all of this, she accepts that life is quite different from the expectation she had. She has told me that “I’ve learned that “expectations” are premeditated resentments. So, I try to focus on bringing the best of what already is and strive for better. Accepting what it is, takes a lot of prayer and grace from above.” Beautifully stated and I can totally relate. While I am more likely to focus on how I’m not where I would like to be, she sees that it is what it is and makes the best of it. I admire this completely.
My wish for her is simple. Ease of her burdens. A full time job for her hubby, to finally get ahead of the mounting bills…. just peace.
As mothers, the thing that makes us all part of the club, is that we all worry (some more then others *I’m horrible*)
We all want the best for our families.
We all struggle, on very different levels.
But, I’m guessing that no matter what, none of us would trade being in the club, for anything else in the world.
This club is powerful and strong. I’m so proud, and blessed to be a member.