This morning around 5:30 am, like clock work, I heard Max. You were squished in the middle of our bed; laying on your side, snoring softly.
I thought to myself “I’ll tend to Max, so Joe can sleep a little longer.”
And, I did. I then crawled back into our bed, laying opposite you completely. For your head was at the headboard, and mine at the foot. We weren’t alone. It seems like we never really are anymore. Between Jack creeping in when we have no clue, or Luke snuggling up to the very edge to be next to you, or Max at my side, nursing for a 5am snack. Even Oreo, ever present at the side of the bed.
This morning was different though. You see, 9 years ago this morning, I woke suddenly and sat up. Excitement pulsing through me; like a kid at Christmas time, I didn’t want to sleep another wink. I just wanted to get the day started, for I knew at the end there would be vows, a cake, and some dancing.
Back to today, Luke had a fever, we fretted about if we should take him in, knowing full well that it was croup. We are after all, veterans at this whole parenting thing… Right?
In the shower he went with you, as I paced beside the curtain, we were discussing if a doctor appointment was necessary, and insurance cards, and would it spread. My heart ached selfishly because we’d both have tomorrow off. A rare Friday, together, FILLED with plans to finish things, and eat out at a special place. Saturday too, we had tickets to our favorite Gopher Hockey. Now, what? A day at home, taking care of the babes.
Yes, I’m selfish. We rarely take a night out. I think in the last year alone we have gone less then 5 times. I hope and pray we change this. Not that we are unhappy, just that we need it more. I need to be near you without a little voice asking about how the world works, whats for dinner, and what friend can play. I need to talk of things other then sports for them, bills, work and such.
I looked high and low for a recent photo of us together, and there was one from Dec. 2012.
Other then that, they are fairly rare. Many of just you and the boys, or me and them. :) I also found one from the summer at a wedding, but minus Max.
I mean to thank you for the life you’ve given to me by this marriage. I read recently on a blog about how many people say Marriage is Hard. I completely disagree. Being married to you is Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. It really is. Loving you and being in love with you are like breathing. They are automatic. The butterflies are still there. Life is the hard part. The curve balls it throws, the heartache of loss that life brings, the ups and downs.. That is life, but without you, it would be unbearable. Something my emotional self can’t even begin to entertain.
So, I say it here, that even though it took us over an hour of being awake to find 30 seconds to acknowledge this special day with an embrace and kiss, and although our plans will not even come close to the plans we made, we will be together. This is all I need. To be near you, to see your face, to tell my very best friend how my day has been, and vent my needs. To admire what you are wearing, to suck in the smell of you, to hear your heart beat ever so steady when I am snuggled up close.
I thank Him for you. I thank you again for this life we have made. And, like the song we danced to stated 9 years ago,
“I wanted someone like you, someone that I could hold onto. And give my love until the end of time. But forever was just a word, a’ I’d only heard about. But now you’re always there for me, so when you say forever I’ll believe…….Baby, you’re my Destiny. You and I were meant to be. With all my heart and soul, I give my love to have and hold. And, as far as I can see you were always meant to be, my Destiny”
Thank you, for living up to what Destiny brought, and for being so much more. For loving me, with all my crazy, for adoring me, with all the faults and lack of confidence. For just being you and being all I’ve ever needed.
I love you Joey, Happy 9th Anniversary.